Pain

These are some thoughts I had written down a few weeks ago… it isn’t an official blog post. Just some thoughts and some ramblings, while I actively work through some ish. I don’t mean to be negative…

And I want to preface these thoughts with: I know I’m saying this from a place of extreme privilege. I grew up in a safe, happy home. The world is filled with horrors, wars, violence, abuse, food insecurity, things that many of us cannot even imagine and things we want to protect our children from.

One thing I’m absolutely sure of is that in life, we all will have to endure pain. And humans have a great capacity to endure pain and inflict pain on others. And its true, if it doesn’t kill you, it will definitely make you stronger.

Endurance and resilience towards pain is something we learn from a young age. As a child you fall down, maybe break some bones, scrape a knee or two, you cry, you get up, and one day you get over it. And over time you lose that fear of falling down. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t get back on that bike, or swing set. Now, we don’t even remember if it hurt or if we cried, but it is something we endured and got over.

As you grow up and interact with more of the world, you continue to encounter pain—maybe betrayal from friends in school, to maybe bullies that beat the crap out of us on the playground, maybe, god forbid,  the loss of family early on, parents’ divorce, family members dealing addictions, job loss. Pain is unavoidable. But we endure, and we grow up. And maybe one day, we don’t remember the hurt and the pain that we felt at that time. From the first time we fall in love, to the when we get our hearts broken. Trusting someone and having that trust abused and taken from you. And as women, we are definitely not pain averse—to monthly cramps, to the pain of labor. We still have children, we endure, and have more children.

Then why are we so shocked when we get hurt again? People tell you they will never hurt you, but in reality, the hurt really is inevitable.

2020 has been trying year—ridden with fear, loss, anxiety, isolation, depression—sometimes straight madness. I cannot speak for others, but it’s the year that I finally emotionally dealt with the fallout of my divorce. I haven’t even touched the trauma of graduate school, but I’m coping by reaching out to other graduate students and helping them navigate their own hiccups. It is the year I finally took a hard look at my mental health, asked for help, and gave myself the love and compassion that I give others. I feel like I’m getting my shattered mind back together.

And just as capable as we are in enduring pain, we are highly capable of inflicting pain. So be kind, support each other, even those you don’t know.